It's Probably Me
by Muffy Morrigan
Summary: Post AHBL2, Sam and Dean stop to visit an old friend. What Dean doesn't know is his brother has other reasons for the stop. Sam has found a ritual to get Dean out of the deal. Problem is it requires a blood sacrifice.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Title comes from the Sting/Clapton song. This story takes place post All Hell Breaks Loose 2. The story features Hilly from Fooling Yourself and Bloodlines. If you haven't read those, no worries. She's a friend of Dean's, not romantic, that he met while Sam was at Stanford._**  
**

** It's Probably Me**

**Chapter One**

Sam was driving. The road had been rolling steadily by, the seemingly unending desert unchanged as each mile passed them. The air shimmered a little, the heat rising from the ground in a steady wave. Dean was sleeping in the seat beside him.

At first he'd been worried. Dean seemed to be sleeping a lot on this trip. Of course the final fight with the Yellow Eyed Demon was not that far behind them and Dean had been hurt. Sam did still worry that it had something to do with the deal Dean had made for his life, some tiny organic change in his brother that was already pulling him away. Sam sighed. _I'm overreacting, of course, Dean has always liked to sleep in the car._

Unbeknownst to his brother, several miles before he had made a turn on the road, taking them into northern Arizona rather than across and into Phoenix. _Dean was right, no matter what happens, there are things we need to do and people we need to see in this next year. I think it's important. _

So he had made the turn to Kingman. He was a little unsure about it. He hadn't even called to warn of their arrival. That way if Dean absolutely refused to go, Sam could still get out of it. _Of course, if I am completely honest with myself I made that turn almost as much for me as him. _In the ten months since he had met Hilly Owyn he had come to count on her—calm advice give with an edge to her voice, comfort when needed, and the knowledge that there was someone out there who loved for his brother with the same fierceness as Sam. _Funny, I didn't know her a year ago and now I can't imagine our life without her. No matter when I call she answers, always ready to help if she can. _

He remembered a frantic call he had made when he left Dean. Of course that had ended in disaster, Gordon had nearly killed him, had hurt Dean. _Not one of my better moments. _And Sam had called Hilly to let him know he was ok, to tell her what had happened—and to get yelled at for a solid fifteen minutes. The conversation had a started ok and then segued into "what the hell do you think you're doing" and had gone down hill from there. _Of course she was right, I'd been thinking everything she said for a least half a day, but…_He'd eventually called to apologize. He'd never mentioned the call to his brother and he knew Hilly wouldn't.

The "what's good for Dean" always took precedence with her, and she was completely capable of blatant lies if she thought it was needed to protect his brother. So Sam had made the turn to Kingman. After everything he needed a little solidity and he was sure that Dean, even after the loud protests Sam was expecting, would be glad he had made the turn, too.

_Of course to be honest there is another reason—Funny how these things work. I need a desert, I need a cave and I need to keep Dean occupied for enough hours to take care of what needs to be done. Hilly should provide a nice distraction._

The scenery was breathtaking. He crested the top of Union Pass and could see across Golden Valley to Kingman. The stark, naked mountains were bathed in the colored light of the setting sun. Everything seemed to glow a tiny bit. It was a phenomena he remembered from their stay nearly a year before, while Dean was recovering from injuries he'd received during a hunt.

"Sam? Where are we?" Dean said from beside him.

Sam looked over and smiled, "About 20 minutes outside of Kingman."

Dean was looking out the window, across the valley they were dropping in to, over towards the next set of hills that hid the town from view. "Kingman?"

"Yeah, I thought…I…Well, Dean I just thought we should come by. We were close and I just thought it might be a good idea. You said there were things we needed to think about, you know, to do. And even though I'm going to get you out of this deal I thought we should stop. You know do something while we were here because we don't even know if we'll be back this way anytime soon and…" He stopped, Dean was looking at him funny. "What?"

"I was just waiting to see how long you could keep going without a breath before you passed out," he said with a grin.

"Oh, nice."

"You called yet?"

"No, I didn't know how you were going to take it and if I called and you absolutely refused to stop…"

"She would hunt us down and find us?"

"Pretty much."

"It's always fun to just drop in, you never know what you'll catch her at," Dean said with a smile, obviously remembering something.

"What?"

Dean looked at him, "Nothing." He looked back out the window, Sam could still see the smile on his brother's face.

"So you're ok with this?" He asked just to be sure.

"It's a good idea, Sam. It'd be nice to see her, you know, before…"

"Dean, don't," Sam snapped. No matter what Sam had said, his brother still had that clock in his head, the one counting off the days and hours of the next year.

"Yeah, right."

Sam sighed again. _Well, maybe between Hilly and I we can bash some sense into his head. I'll hold him and then hand her the bat_. He turned into town, following the streets toward her house. It was nearly dark now. He'd forgotten how quickly night came in the desert. One second it was sunset, the next night, there didn't seem to be much of the lingering twilight he'd experienced in other places.

He pulled into the driveway at her house and parked beside her tiny car under the car port. "You ready?"

"Never quite," Dean said with a smile and got out of the car. Sam stood and stretched.

The front door opened and Hilly stepped out. She looked at them, a smile starting on her face. "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world you drive the Impala into mine." She walked down the walk towards them. "Hey."

"Hey," Dean said. Sam watched as Hilly just walked, without hesitation, into his brother's arms. She seemed to be the only person on earth who just expected that, and Dean? Well he was always waiting for it, too. They stood together for a long moment, long enough to give Sam a little pause to worry.

Hilly pulled back finally, "You look like shit."

"Yeah, well I've been sleeping in the car, what's your excuse?" Dean said, she laughed, it was a ritual with them. Every time they got together, the same thing. Sam wondered, more than once, when it had started.

She smiled at Sam and pulled him into a hug. It was a little tighter than usual. _Something's up. _She pulled back and looked at him. "You look a little tired," she said with a frown.

"Driving all day, that's all."

"Yeah, right," she looked at them both. "I'll run to the store and get goodies, you two settle in." She frowned a little "You are planning to stay for a day or two aren't you?"

"As long as you feed us," Dean said with a laugh, he was frowning a little too. She laughed and smacked him on the arm and disappeared into the house. She was back a minute later with purse in hand.

"I'll be back in half an hour. You should fire up the grill," she smiled. "Steak ok with you? Or would you rather have…"

"If you say tofu I will beat you to death right here," Dean said.

"No tofu, right. I was actually going to say ribs."

"Uh huh, yeah, sure you were."

"I was really, truly."

"Bite me," Dean said with a smile.

"Not till after dinner." She laughed and got in her car, carefully maneuvering around the Impala on the way out.

Dean looked over at Sam. "I always wonder, once I'm here, if it was such a good idea after all," he said with a grin.

"I think I know what you mean." Sam popped the trunk and grabbed his bags.

"You can have the first shower, I'll go get the grill going," Dean said heading through the house.

"Sure, Dean, thanks." He watched his brother for a minute. _I wonder…_

After his shower he stopped by the fridge on the way to the backyard, grabbing a beer he stepped through the door. Hilly wasn't back yet, Dean was sitting, holding a bottle. He was absently peeling the label, dropping bits of paper on the ground. Sam stopped. _He seems to do that more than he used to, just sit and stare like that. Lost somewhere. When he's alone he goes someplace I can't touch. When we're together, when we're with other people he's his usual self, maybe even more usual that before, but when he thinks he's alone, or when he thinks I'm sleeping this is the person I see. _

Dean looked up at him, "Hey."

"Hey," he sat down beside his brother. "She not back yet?"

"She's probably buying enough food to keep us here for three or four months if I know her." Dean stood, "Keep an eye on the grill, I'll be back." And he wandered into the house.

Dean was still in the shower when Hilly got back. She came into the kitchen carrying a bunch of shopping bags. She put them on the counter and looked out at Sam. "Hey, I'm back."

"Yeah, I noticed, there more in the car?"

"No, this is it."

"I would have helped if you'd asked," he said taking things out of the bags and handing them to her.

"But then I would have had to walk in here and tell you, walk back out to the car—seemed easier to just grab the stuff." She shrugged. Sam felt her eyes on him. "What?" She said.

"What?" He turned to face her.

"Yeah, Sam, what?"

"I don't know…"

"Sam?'

"Yeah?"

"Don't make me do something I'll regret later."

"Hilly…"

"Sam…I'm getting that feeling…Urge to kill rising…"

"I can't, not yet, ok? Dean…Later, Hilly. Maybe he'll…"

"Ah, like that is it?" She said with a sigh. "Ok, I can wait. So…" She swallowed.

"Hilly?"

"That bad, huh?" She busied herself putting things away. "I knew it, I knew something was wrong." She was talking to herself. "I knew it."

"Knew what?" Dean said coming into the kitchen. "You actually knew something?"

"Bite me, Dean."

"Not in the kitchen." He said with a laugh and started putting groceries away.

Sam watched the two of them as they moved around the kitchen, familiar, comfortable. When Dean grabbed the steaks and headed to the grill Hilly watched him for a minute, then turned to Sam. She smiled at him and took a breath. "Yeah," Sam said, "I'll just go check my email for a minute, if that's ok."

She smiled her thanks and slipped into the backyard.

**XXX**

Dean was watching the steaks sizzle on the grill. _Been awhile since I had that nice a cut of steak. I wonder why Sam decided to stop? I know he likes her, I know he calls her, but it seems odd that he wanted to stop. Probably planning to gang up on me or something about the deal. He seems to bring it up and sigh an awful lot. _He sighed. _I think he's still angry about it. I'm not sure how to deal with that, I'm really not. I'm beginning to worry a little about what he's planning to do to get me out of this. _

"Want to tell me about it?" A gentle hand on his arm pulled him away from the grill.

"What?" He looked down at Hilly.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah, nothing. Sure. Nothing except you just show up out of the blue, nothing, except you have a gash on your head, nothing except your brother's eyes follow you everywhere like he's afraid you're going to vanish before his eyes. Nothing, Dean."

"We've been here less than two hours and…"

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm feeling a little violent, just a tiny bit violent, could be directed at you. Maybe. Shall I strangle you or just kill you with the spatula?"

He smiled at her. "How do you do that?"

"What?"

"That thing."

"That crazy thing I do?" She leaned against him, he put his arm over her shoulders. "Come on, Dean. What's up? I need to know so I can plan on funerals and stuff if I need to." He must have reacted to that. She pulled away and turned him around to face her. "Ok, what?"

"Hill…"

"Dean, god damn it, I am not in the mood to play right now. What the hell is going on?" She was looking in his eyes, at his face, then back to his eyes. "Oh, my god." She looked away.

"Hilly?"

"What did you do, Dean? And so help me if you say nothing I will hit you."

"Nothing," he said and to his complete surprise her hand connected with his face in a hard slap. "What the hell?" He said rubbing his cheek.

"I told you I'd hit you."

"I didn't think you would." He looked at her. "That hurt."

"Good." She turned away from him and walked to the edge of the garden. He followed and put his hands on her shoulders. She leaned back against his chest. "Dean, please."

He sighed, "We…" he stopped. Recounting those days, even to himself, was hard. Saying things out loud was almost impossible.

She turned and looked up at him. "Dean?"

"The demon that killed mom took Sam. I finally found him," he looked down at her. "I was too late."

"Too late?"

"Sam was attacked, before I could get to him. Right there in front of me," he could feel tears in his eyes. "Sammy died in my arms, Hilly. " She pulled him against her, tight. "He died, my brother died. I didn't know what to do."

"You made a deal, didn't you? Like the one your father made for you?" She said quietly. She sighed. "How long?"

"A year."

"Jesus, Dean."

"I didn't have any choice, Hilly," he said. _Please don't be angry with me, I can't take it if you both are angry. _

"I know," she said softly.

"You do?"

"Dean, how stupid do you think I am?" She said, her words a little muffled by his shirt. "Don't answer that." She laughed a tiny bit. "No, Dean, I understand."

"Really?" He pulled away enough to look down at her.

"Dean, I would make a deal like that for one or two people. I would, without hesitation, even if it meant right then, that instant. So how can I hold it against you? No, Dean, I understand." She sighed and dropped her head back against him.

"Really?" He felt relief washing through him. _Maybe she can help me bash some sense into Sam. I'll hand her the bat, then hold him for her. _"Hill?'

"Yeah?"

"Who?"

"What?"

"Who?"

"Possessed by an owl, Dean?"

He chuckled, "I hope not. But you said you would make a deal…who?"

To his surprise, considering Hilly, she was silent. Her arms tightened a little around him and she stood absolutely still.

"Hilly?"

"I think the steak is burning, Dean. Maybe you should turn it," she said. She didn't let go.

"Hilly?" He was starting to panic a little, something was up.

"How do you do it, Dean?"

"Turn a steak?"

"I think I can handle that, no the deal? How do you do it?"

"What?" _What are you thinking?_

"How do you do it? Can anyone? Do you need something special to offer?"

"Hilly, what?" He pushed her away and lifted her face so he could look at her. "Hilly?"

"Can it be undone somehow?"

"Demon said if I tried to get out of it…"

"Oh, what about…"

"Hill? No, do you hear me?"

She smiled and pulled away. "I wonder if the champagne is cold yet?" She walked into the kitchen He saw her open the fridge. He was just about to head in when Sam wandered back through.

"Steak smells good, Dean." He frowned. "What?"

"Nothing."

"You say that again and no booze for you," Hilly came out with the bottle and handed it to Dean. He opened it and poured some in each glass. "Family." She said lifting her glass.

"Family," he and Sam said together and they clinked the glasses together.

Dinner was good. The three of them sat and talked over old times. Planned a trip to Laughlin for Saturday. Bandied about the idea of going to the Grand Canyon.

"Although you know it's just a giant hole in the ground," she said with a smile.

"Really giant, I just have never been, and I want to go before…"

"Before? Before what Dean?" She snapped, Sam looked over at her, smiling support. _Great, they are both going to gang up on me. I better hide the baseball bats. _

"Before leaving Arizona, what do you think? I wonder, there used to be this diner in Ashfork. They had the most amazing burgers."

"Yeah, and Yolanda. Wasn't that her name?" Hilly said with a smile.

"Yeah, Yolanda," he grinned back at her. "She was nice."

"Nice and loud and someone didn't put the do not disturb sign out. Not naming names of course."

Sam was looking from Hilly to Dean. "What?" He said.

"The waitress, Yolanda, she fancied Dean a tiny bit."

"More than a tiny bit."

"She just thought you were cute with that come hither smile of yours, works every bloody time." she was laughing at him.

"I am not cute, she said I was _muy caliente_."

"My ass she did," she reached over and smacked him. Sam sighed. "What's your problem?" She said looking at him.

"The Dean and Hilly show seems to be in full swing," he said looking across the table at them.

"The what?" Dean said.

"You heard me, the last time we were here I almost left you two in the middle of the desert."

"He is so mean," Hilly said pouting. "I buy steak, champagne and tequila and you, Sam, you are just mean."

"No tequila for Sammy," Dean said sliding the bottle away from his brother. "More for us anyway."

"Thanks, you're probably saving my life. I'm not sure humans are meant to mix French Champagne and Mexican tequila."

"You know champagne can only come from France, so you don't need to say 'French'." Hilly said grinning at him.

"Just shut up," Sam said grinning back.

"I'd hit you, but you're too far away." Hilly compensated for that by throwing a piece of bread at him, he threw it back and hit Dean. It got ugly from there, the three of them ended up laughing, covered in food looking at a destroyed kitchen. "We'll let's clean up, shower and take this party to the living room."

"Kinky." Dean said with a smile. "I knew you were naughty, but really, all of us? Shower?"

She smacked him again. "Yeah, right, where exactly does your mind go sometimes? And don't even think about answering that."

The kitchen was cleaned and they all managed to get the food out of their hair. The three of them had sat down in the living room. Dean and Hilly on the couch, Sam sprawled in the chair across from them. They chatted for a while, and just sat quiet for a while. It was comfortable, homely. Dean sighed. _Every time we end up here, it gets harder to leave. Sometimes just being able to settle down for the night without having to worry about fake credit cards or cops or check out times or bad food is nice, almost too nice. _

"What's that?" Hilly asked.

Noth…" he changed his mind about using that word again. "Just nice to kick back, that's all."

"It is," Sam piped up, a little drowsily. "I'm beat."

"I'm glad the two of your stopped. It's nice to see you," Hilly said glancing at Dean and then Sam.

Sam got up, "It's late, I'm drunk, I'm going to bed. See you two in the morning." And he stumbled down the hall.

Dean laughed softly. "He doesn't get that way very often. You are a bad influence."

"I practice." She smiled at him and leaned against him. "I'm glad you stopped, Dean."

"You said that twice, you're kind of freaking me out."

"Like that is even hard," she laughed at him.

"Harder than you think."

"I doubt that, I really do." She smiled and stood up, "I agree with Sam, though, I'm a little tired too. You coming? Or are you going to sit for a bit?"

_She knows I always "sit for a bit." _He smiled at her, "I'll be back in awhile." She smiled and heading down the hall to the bedroom.

**XXX**

The clock said 8:30 when Sam woke up. He lay in the bed for awhile, listening to the birds outside the window. _Can I get away today? I need to do it soon._ The house was quiet, but he could smell coffee. He got up and headed towards the kitchen. Hilly was up, making coffee. She poured him a cup without his asking, she always did. And she never asked a lot of questions until halfway through the first cup. He settled down at the kitchen table, she sat across from him, looking over the rim of her cup.

"You make me a little nervous when you look at me like that," he said. "Good coffee."

"Thanks, and why do I make you nervous? I'm just sitting here."

"Yeah, sitting." _It's funny Dean says she reminds him of me, but she sounds like Dean an awful lot of the time. _"I don't trust your just sitting."

"I haven't even said anything."

"No. What?" He smiled at her. She looked a little—sad? And…"Hilly?"

"Yeah Sam?"

"You been crying?"

"I don't cry, you know that."

"Yeah, me either," he looked at her again. "He told you, didn't he?"

"Yes. I might have melted down a teeny bit last night."

"Just a tiny bit?" He smiled at her.

"Maybe more than that. The two of you, grrr, you drive me nuts."

"Why?"

"You are so willing to dive in front of a bullet or anything else for the other. It gets worrying, you know."

"Hilly…"

"Sam," she laid her hand over his. "For a long time the only family I really had was Dean. Then I met you and you were added, but the two of you, you're my family and I worry about you, I'd do anything to keep you safe. It is so hard to see you go, to hang up the phone." She swallowed, "Sometimes when one or the other of you call I almost can't bring myself to answer because I'm afraid at what you might say. And now this damn deal."

"Yeah, I know," and he heard the anger, it was still there in his voice.

"You're mad about it?" She looked at him, he nodded, "But Sam, really, think about it. If it had been the other way around, if Dean died, what would you have done?" She was looking in his eyes "Yep. So don't be mad at him for what you would have done, too."

"I know, it's just…" He sighed, "I'm going to find a way to get him out of this."

"How? Can you undo the deal?"

"Not with the demon, but I have been researching other ways. Dad's journal has a lot of information in it and…" he stopped himself.

"What Sam?"

"There is one I found. A demigod that might be able to reverse the deal."

"But?"

"It requires a pretty major sacrifice and some research I've done suggests that the demigod only pretends to be able to do things, you know a trickster, then gets the sacrifice and just leaves. No benefit to the human…" _Slow down, don't tell her too much she might figure out what you are up to, considering Hilly._

"The, I assume, now dead human?"

"Mostly dead, not always all the way dead. Eventually though, probably dead. And the problem is, when…" _Oops, I hope she didn't catch that. _"If I do that and I'm right and not dad's journal, I won't be around to try anything else."

"You could always save that one for last, after you try everything else," she said thoughtfully. She was looking at him with a very intense look. _She knows something._ "Any others?"

"Other what?" Dean said.

"Other ideas for what to do while you're here," Hilly said smoothly, getting up and getting him coffee. "I need to call in and let work know I won't be around for a couple of days. They still owe me a few days." She picked up her coffee and wandered out.

Dean sat down across from Sam. "No, Sammy."

"No what?"

"Trading your life for mine, no."

"What?"

"I've been standing in the hall for a few minutes, and no. What would be the point if we just started this all over? You dead, me alive and what?"

"Dean." _One year Dean, only one. What do you expect me to do?_

"No. No, that's not an option. You don't get to do that."

"Everyone else in the family has, why not me," he said bitterly. He stopped, horrified and looked up at Dean. "Dude, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"Yeah, Sam, I know. You'll figure it out."

"Hey, I need to go in for a hour, I'll be back for lunch and maybe a little drive or something, how's that?" Hilly said coming into the kitchen with her briefcase slung over her shoulder. Dean stood up with his coffee in his hand. She walked over and pulled Dean into a hug. He looked a little surprised but returned the embrace. "I won't be gone long, ok? You both just sit tight till I get back." She squeezed Sam's shoulder as she walked by him. "Just stay here till I get back."

"Sure, no problem. We kind of dropped in unannounced. We'll see you in a bit," Dean said with a smile. He watched her walk out with a frown on his face.

"Dean?"

"I don't know, weird feeling."

"You ok?"

Dean sighed, "Yeah."

"I might do a little research. Hilly has a nice computer and fast internet. That ok?"

"The TV is calling me, I'm headed there now."

Sam watched his brother wander towards the living room. _Hmm, I'm getting a weird feeling too. I wonder if Dean knows? Should I leave a note? And how exactly would I word that? "Hey Dean went to do a little something to save your soul." Yeah, that would go over well. Now, how do I sneak out to perform that ritual?_

**To Be Continued**


	2. Chapter 2

**It's Probably Me**

Chapter Two

Sam sat down at the computer in Hilly's office. He opened his father's journal and started the search engine. There really wasn't all that much information. That was turning into something of a problem. His father had actually managed to compile most of the existing information on the demigod Sam was seeking, with only one or two holes. _Those holes mean life or death, that's the big problem. If dad's right it'll be ok, if my other research is right, I'm in trouble. And if Dean finds out, I'm dead. _

After an hour his head was beginning to ache. Half the information seemed to contradict the other half. _I guess the only way I'll know is if I try it. _He sighed, and closed the journal. _I need to locate a cave, I need to get a few things. If I go out today and come back, maybe tonight I can sneak out and try this. I'd like to try this afternoon, but I don't think I'll be able to get away._

The phone on the desk started ringing. He picked it up, "Hello?"

"Hey, Sam, I'll be back in an hour, should I pick anything up?" Hilly said.

"I think we're good, Hilly, see you in an hour."

"Ok, Sam. Be there when I get back?" She sounded a little frantic.

_Why do I think she knows something? _"Sure," he said and hung up the phone.

"What'd she want?" Dean asked from the door, Sam jumped.

"Dude are you sneaking up on me?"

"Nah, I heard the phone, figured it was her," he was looking at Sam. "What are you researching?"

"Nothing, just looking for a hunt, that's all. Never know around here," he said, quickly clearing the internet files on the computer.

"Yeah, alright."

"Dean?"

"What?"

"Can I borrow the car for half an hour? I'll be back before Hilly's home." _Because if I'm not she might come after me, or tell Dean, neither one is a good option._

"Ok, Sam. Where're you heading?"

"I just wanted to run by that New Age shop and get a few things to replenish the trunk and I know how you feel about…" _Keep the explanations short, you're talking too much._

"Sure, no problem. Don't be gone too long," Dean said turning from the door.

"Thanks Dean."

Sam did drive to the shop. He needed some sage and other items for the ritual. He was hoping his father's guess about sage being an adequate substitute for an unknown Near Eastern herb was right. _That's always a problem when you move ritual from its continent of origin, will it still work?_ After he had purchased everything he thought he needed, he stopped by the Bureau of Land Management office to get a map. It needed to be fairly detailed so he could find a cave of the right size.

He sat in the parking lot for a long time looking at the map. _There is a cave close to town, but I'm not really sure it's big enough. The ritual specifies a large cave for the summoning. There is a bigger cave in Goldroad, but that's quite a ways from Hilly's. Once they realize I'm gone it's going to be a race to finish before they find me. I'll take a chance on the smaller cave. _

He had just stepped out of the car in Hilly's driveway when she pulled in. "Hey, Sam, where you been?" She practically pounced on him.

"Just went to Positive Pieces to get some stuff for the trunk," he said smiling.

"Uh huh, yeah. Help me with the groceries," she opened the trunk of her car.

"I thought you just got groceries yesterday."

"We needed more tequila. Goes good with the tacos I plan for tonight," she said walking in the door.

"Tequila and tacos?" Dean said from the couch. He got up and took the bag from Hilly. "You keep feeding us like that and I don't think we'll ever want to leave."

"That's the plan," Hilly said with a long look at Sam.

"What?" Sam said.

"What?" Hilly walked away into the kitchen. Sam and Dean followed.

"When do we eat?" Dean said.

"You think it might be a little early to start on tequila and tacos?" Hilly said smiling at him.

"Maybe a little. We could all go to Laughlin for awhile or something," Sam said, hoping to divert the looks Hilly was giving him.

"It's only forty-five minutes, we could have lunch there," Dean said smiling.

"Are you ever not hungry?" Hilly said looking at him with mock disgust.

"Not often, why?"

"No reason, let's go." Hilly was out of the kitchen and out the door before they could react.

"I think she wants to go Dean," Sam said laughing.

The horn on the Impala started up. "Her and that horn, I'll strangle her one of these days." Dean was laughing.

"What?"

"Nothing, she just really likes the horn." The horn went from short blasts to a long tone. "We'd better go." Dean walked out the door. Sam followed behind. He heard Hilly and Dean talking as he got to the door.

"You want to tell me what this is all about, Hilly?"

"What?" She sort of snapped.

"This keeping us busy, the 'don't leave till I get home' thing this morning. What?"

"Nothing, just want to spend as much time as possible with you two before you leave."

"You're lying to me."

"And your point is?" She said with a laugh

"Bite me Hilly," He said.

"Not now, here comes Sam."

It was late in the day when Dean pulled the Impala back into Hilly's driveway. Sam looked across at his brother. Dean still had a slight smile on his face. Hilly was quiet from the backseat. Sam was pretty sure she was asleep. Dean turned the car off and looked over at Sam and grinned. He looked into the backseat, saw Hilly sleeping and honked the horn. She shot upright.

"What the hell is your problem?" She said, lightly smacking him on the head.

"I was worried you broke the horn earlier."

"Bite me, Dean."

"Not now, we'll ruin dinner."

Sam shook his head and got out of the car. "Are you two coming?"

"I will if he gets off the door," Hilly said trying to open the door Dean was leaning against.

"Will you two grow up?" Sam said.

"Yes, sir." Dean said getting off the door.

Hilly got out and grinned at Dean. "Yes, sir, Sam. Sorry, sir. Forgive us, sir."

"Just shut up." Sam said and they burst out laughing.

They were still laughing as they walked up to the door. Sam smiled. _If she can just keep him distracted for a few hours this evening, I might be able to get away with this. _He sighed as he heard them in the house._ Another day or two of them and I'll be glad if the ritual kills me. Strike that, universe, I didn't mean it._

Hilly and Dean were sitting in the backyard laughing and exchanging insults long after dinner when Sam stood and said he was heading to bed. He walked back to the bedroom, trying to look more unsteady on his feet than he actually was. He had matched Hilly almost shot for shot with the tequila, but a lot of his had actually ended up on the ground under his feet. He had purposefully set out to get them both drunk, figuring that would give him an even greater head start than he had originally planned on.

He walked into the bedroom and carefully packed the items he had purchased earlier. He was halfway out the door when he stopped. _I should leave a note. This requires blood sacrifice and it would be nice if they found me before I bled to death or something. _He sat down on the bed. He looked at the paper for a long time before he wrote a short note.

"_Dean," _it said, _"I have gone to try something I think might work. I will be at the cave at milepost marker 27 on the highway south of town. Love, Sam." _He put the note carefully on the bed and rose.

Looking down the hallway he stepped into Hilly's bedroom and slipped her car keys out of her purse. He guessed he could escape easier in her car than the Impala. Since it was a stick, he was planning to let it coast down the driveway and as far down the street as possible before turning the engine on. Before he walked out the front door he looked through the house, they were still in the yard. Hilly had a smile on her face and Dean was laughing. He stepped out and quietly closed the door behind him.

He managed to get the car to roll all the way to the end of the block before he lost momentum. He pushed the clutch in and started the car, heading out of town. The streets were quiet for the most part. He pulled onto the highway and turned south towards the cave. The map showed it was only about a quarter of a mile from the road, but he didn't quite trust the legend.

Sam pulled up at milepost marker 27 twenty minutes later. He grabbed his bags and walked through the velvety night to the cave. He didn't turn on his flashlight, the moon was bright enough to light his way. The cave was pretty close to quarter of a mile from where he parked the car. _I guess I got that right, maybe it's a good sign. _

The cave was smaller than he had hoped. _I wonder if it will work. It said it had to be a large cave. I'm not sure what will happen if the cave is too small. Ritual won't work? I'll piss it off? _He found a flat rock to use as a makeshift altar and walked into the cave. It really wasn't very big, he had to crouch down a little. He put the rock down and placed the candles, sage and other items on the rock. Sam sighed. _I hope this works. _He pulled out his father's journal and taking a deep breath he started the ritual.

He was about halfway through when he had the sense that he was not alone. That odd feeling of someone or something else in his vicinity. He tried to keep focused on the ritual. Something was rumbling, that registered, and a second he realized he was in serious danger. He thought he heard something laughing as he dove for the cave entrance. He didn't quite make it and the rock fall caught him, pinning him down, before something connected with his head. _I blew it. _It was the last thought before the night was even darker and he lost awareness.

**XXX**

Dean was still smiling as he watched his brother stagger into the kitchen headed to bed. "You think we're a little hard on him?" He asked Hilly.

"No, he just needs to learn to give as good as he gets," she said laughing.

"And with you around that's an easy thing to learn?"

"Should be," she was grinning. "I give him every opportunity, you know."

"You take them too," he looked at her. "You want to tell me what's really bugging you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Yeah, innocence doesn't work with you, Hill. Something's up. What?"

She shrugged, "I know you won't believe this, but I'm not sure what, just something."

"Your Hilly sense is tingling?"

"Yeah," she said smiling at him. He started laughing. "I'll be right back." She got up and walked into the house.

Dean watched her go. _I wonder what's bothering her. She has pretty good instincts about things, and if she's worried there is something wrong. It's not just me, not just the deal, I think it has something to do with Sam. And what's with him? I've never seen him get into a drinking contest with anyone and there he was trying to match Hilly. _He laughed. _Of course, Sammy doesn't know she just pours most of it out. She's won more than one contest that way. _He leaned back in the chair. _It's a nice night. Maybe I'll sleep out here. _

He heard Hilly run into the kitchen. "Hey, grab me another beer, would you?" She didn't answer. He turned to look at her, she was standing in the door with a piece of paper in her hand. He knew it was trouble the instant he saw her. "What?"

"Sam's gone."

What!" He got up and grabbed the note out of her hand. He scanned it. "Oh my god, let's go." They were in the Impala and out the driveway before she had her shoes on. She gave him directions for the fastest way out of town. They were at milepost 27 in ten minutes.

Dean got out of the car and looked around. He saw a flicker of light off to the right. He ran in the direction of the cave. He was halfway there when he heard the clatter of a rock fall. He got there as the final stones fell. He heard Hilly behind him.

"Where is he?" Dean said a little frantically. _Where? Where? No, no, no._

"Dean," Hilly grabbed his arm and pointed, he looked down, Sam's leg was protruding from the pile of stones

"Help me!" He dropped to his knees and started throwing the rocks aside. Between the two of them they managed to uncover Sam in just a few minutes. When they got the last stone off, he turned Sam over and stopped. Dean's heart didn't seem to be working quite right, his hands were shaking and all he could think of was the moment Sam had died. The moment he had felt his brother…_No, I can't face this, I can't. _And he felt the tears start. He was paralyzed.

He saw Hilly reach down and put her hand against Sam's neck. There was a trickle of blood running down Sam's face. "Dean. Dean?" He looked up at her. "He's alive."

"Are you sure?" He said, wanting it to be true, not trusting it.

"Yes, I'm sure," she said, gently wiping the blood away from Sam's face.

Sam started coughing. He opened his eyes. "Dean?"

"Sammy, what the hell were you doing?" Reaction was setting in and he was angry.

"Sorry, didn't have it quite right," Sam said trying to sit up.

"Let's get you to the doctor, Sam, then you two can fight," Hilly said standing.

"I'm fine, let's just go home." Sam said looking at Dean.

"Sam?"

"I'm ok, Dean. It's not the first time I've been hit on the head."

"Lucky for you it's a really hard head," Hilly said. "Where are my car keys?"

"I left them in the car, just in case," he said, accepting Dean's help up.

"Just in case of what, Sam?" Dean said quietly. _Well? Answer me, Sam. Answer me or I will beat it out of you right here._

"Dean," Sam said in his imploring voice.

"No, Sam, answer me." He said putting his hand against his brother's chest.

"Alright, that's enough from both of you right now," Hilly said stepping between them. "Maybe you should ride with me, Sam."

_Oh, no you don't. He and I need to talk about this and you are not going to…_Dean was watching Sam. His brother swayed a little. He immediately put his hand on Sam's arm. "It's ok, Hilly, I won't kill him until later. Let's just get you home." He pulled Sam's arm over his shoulder, he felt his brother lean against him. _Ok, he's hurt a little worse than he let on, I'll wait until the morning to kill him, but then he's dead._

Dean kept checking on his brother as he drove back. Sam was leaning against the seat with his eyes closed. _How bad is he hurt? Or is he just avoiding the inevitable conversation about how he doesn't get to try that again? _He glanced in the rearview mirror. "If she gets any closer she'll be in the trunk," he said with a snort.

Sam laughed from the passenger seat. "She drives like a maniac most of the time, Dean. You should know that."

"I always hope it'll get better." _Of course, she's probably sticking that close to us to make sure I don't kill Sam on the way home. _

When they got back to Hilly's, Dean helped Sam back to the bedroom and cleaned up the wound on his head. "It's not all that bad, Sammy, you were lucky."

"Yeah, I think I was," Sam looked at him. "Dean?"

"No, Sam."

"What?"

"No, don't even bring it up. I don't want to hear about it. No. Don't even think about trying anything like that again. No, Sam. I mean it."

"Dean? It's just that I can't…"

"NO! No, Sam, no!" He got up and walked through the house to the backyard. _We need to talk about it, just not now. Seeing him…I just can't face that again, I can't._

"Dean?"

"What, Hilly?" He said a little sharper than he intended.

"You want to tell me what's up?"

"Did you know he was going to try that? Were you distracting me so he could get away?" And the instant he said it he regretted it. He saw the hurt in her eyes.

"What?" She said, he could tell she was close to tears. "Dean, no. I would never…How could you think that?"

"Hill?"

"You and Sam are my family, Dean. I wouldn't let something like that happen if I could stop it, you should know that. How could you even think…?"

"Hilly, I didn't mean it," he said taking a step towards her. "I just…Seeing Sammy…"

She walked over and put her arms around him. "I know, Dean. I saw it in your eyes, on your face. I know." She smiled up at him. "It'll be ok, Dean. I promise." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. He watched her go. _What is she up to? I have a bad feeling about this…_

_**To Be Continued**_


	3. Chapter 3

**It's Probably Me**

Chapter Three

Sam waited in the dark bedroom until he heard the voices in Hilly's room stop. He got out of bed and looked out the door. The light was off in her bedroom. He slipped into the office and eased the door closed. Either Hilly or Dean had retrieved John's journal and had left it sitting on the desk.

He opened it back up to the ritual. _Where did I go wrong? And did I actually hear laughter right before the rocks started falling? If I did, what does that mean? I need to think this through a little more and when I do, how can I get away again? I have a funny feeling they are not going to let me out of their sight anytime soon. I could try again tonight. I wonder…_

He sighed and turned the computer on, carefully searching through everything he could find. _I'm not sure how big a sacrifice it actually requires. Dad's journal kind of leads me to believe it wants blood, but not life. Which is good and bad. Good that it won't kill me, bad because Dean will._

He was so engrossed in his research he didn't hear the door open until Hilly spoke. "What are you doing, Sam?" She said softly, closing the door behind her.

"Nothing," he said.

"And I'm going to believe that because?"

"Uh…"

"Well? What, Sam?"

_She does sound a lot like Dean sometimes, it's kind of scary. _"I was just…"

"Seeing what you did wrong?" She sat down on the desk in front of him. "Is that it? You weren't planning on going anywhere tonight were you?"

"No."

"And still you lie to me. Sam—you can't. You just can't." She looked at him, he saw something flicker in her eyes. "Tell me more about it, you started to yesterday."

"Uh, why?"

"Curiosity. If you are this convinced it will work, it makes me wonder why. I know you are not all that haphazard with this sort of thing. Especially…"

"When it's Dean's life on the line?" He said, she nodded. _Maybe I can distract her. _"Ok, it's a Near Eastern ritual, from Ur. A demigod that lore says can grant life and reverse 'deals with the demons of air and fire' as the tablet put it. Dad did a lot of research into it. I'm not really sure why, but it's there in his journal."

"So how do you do it?"

"You need a big cave, you need some herbs, you have to read the incantation. It's all in the journal. There is a big problem, I think I mentioned it."

"The 'it could just be a trick' thing?"

"Yeah. And if that's the case I wonder if the idea of it just wanting blood and not life is wrong, too. It's a big risk."

"Yeah, really big."

"But the pay off is worth it. Dean will be…" He stopped. _Oops. She's looking at me funny, I think she knows. _"If it worked the deal would be reversed."

"You can't, Sam. It's too early for a risk that big. There has to be another way to save him—in spite of himself," she said laying her hand on his arm.

"This will work—uh, would work—if the journal's right."

"But you aren't all the way sure are you?" She was idly flipping the pages in the journal. "Sam, you and Dean—no, you can't do that to him. Not only will it maybe kill you, which, frankly is unacceptable, but if something happened to you it will kill him. You didn't see the look on his face when we found you." She stopped. He could see tears in her eyes.

"Hilly?"

"He turned you over and just froze, Sam. He couldn't move, couldn't even…No, Sam. You can't. You have to…"

"Have to what?" An angry voice from the door.

"Have to go back to bed, what do you think Dean?" Hilly said sweetly. "He needs to get some rest. He has a nasty bump on his head."

"No," Dean said.

"No he doesn't get to go back to bed?"

"No to whatever the two of you are cooking up. No. I won't have it."

"What?" Sam said looking at his brother. _The next time I try to sneak in some research I am locking the door._

"Whatever you have in mind." He looked at Hilly. "And that goes for you to."

"Dean…" Sam said.

"Dean…" Hilly said.

"No. Now, go to bed, both of you."

"Yes, sir," Hilly said hopping off the desk. She squeezed Dean's arm on the way out. "Don't fight. Be nice." She smiled at Sam.

"Dean…"

"What, Sammy?"

"She's right, I need to go to bed." He turned the computer off and closed the journal. _He's staring at me. I have a funny feeling I will wake up handcuffed to the bed. That will make this all really difficult._

"Sam?"

"Yeah, Dean?" _I wonder if I can crawl out the window. I think tonight is my only chance for awhile._

"I need you to promise me you won't leave again tonight," his brother said looking at him.

_And I can lie to him, I can hide from him, but he knows that if I promise, I won't break the promise. It's that simple. A promise between us is unbreakable. _He looked at Dean and saw the fear in his brother's eyes, and Sam relented. "Ok, Dean, I promise, I won't leave again tonight."

"Good," Dean stayed in the office watching Sam as he made his way back to his bedroom. He could still feel his brother's eyes when he closed the door to his room.

**XXX**

Dean was awake early. He looked at the ceiling, bright sunlight was already coming through the curtains. _I wonder what this sense of impending doom means? Sam promised, but…I don't know, he also promised he would get me out of the deal, I wonder if one overrides the other?_ He could smell coffee. _I'm not going to be able to get anymore sleep this morning. Might as well get up._

Hilly was in the kitchen, sitting at the table, staring into her cup. She looked up when he walked in. "You do know it's only 7, don't you?" _She seems a little nervous. I wonder what that's all about?_

"Couldn't sleep." He sat down opposite her.

"You were up almost all night and you couldn't sleep this morning?"

"You were, too."

"I just thought…" She trailed off.

"What?" _What is it Hilly?_

"I don't know…I'm worried about Sam, I guess."

"I am too, but I made him promise not to leave."

"And he won't?"

"Not if he promises, Hill."

She laughed, "The two of you, so sure of the other. It's nice, but infuriating, you know."

"What?"

"I told Sam, too. How you are so ready to just jump in front of the bullet for the other, makes me nuts."

"Says the queen of bullet jumping." He smiled at her. "Kind of the pot stove thing, I think."

"Me? I don't think so, Dean." She frowned at him.

"Yeah, right, you wouldn't do anything like that." _And you never have, either have you? Yeah, right, nothing except…_

"Nope. Never. I would certainly never do anything like that for you or Sam."

"Yeah, right. And I believe you, Hilly, same as I believe used car salesmen and the weather report."

"You aren't bringing up that thing are you?" She said smiling at him.

"Which thing? The putting yourself in the line of fire thing, the driving across country cause I was in trouble thing, the…"

"Ok, you're right, I might occasionally do something like that every once in a while, but not that often and not for many people, you know."

"How many people, Hill?"

"Two, Dean, only two." She patted his hand. "I have to go in for an hour or so, then pop by the grocery store, then I will be back. We'll go out towards the mountains or something today, keep Sam occupied." She walked out of the kitchen.

Dean was in the hallway headed to the shower when she came out of her office with her briefcase slung over her shoulder. Something seemed odd, but he couldn't put his finger on it. She smiled at him and gave him a hug as she walked passed. _Her and the hugging._ He smiled. _Actually it's not all that bad. _

Dean was dozing, his feet up on the couch when Sam wandered into the living room late in the morning. "Hey, how're you feeling?"

Sam sat down on the couch, "I have a headache, but I'm feeling ok."

"You probably deserve the headache a little," Dean said nudging his brother with his knee.

"Yeah, Dean…"

"No, Sam. It's over and done with. I don't even want you thinking about it again, ok? Not an option. I thought we settled that last night."

Sam sighed, "Yeah, Dean. Where's Hilly?"

"She went in to work for a little while, then she said she was going to get something for dinner."

"Not more tequila, I hope," Sam said grinning at him. "Is there any coffee?"

"I left you some."

"Thanks, Dean."

Dean watched his brother walk into the kitchen and get some coffee, then Sam wandered down the hall towards his bedroom. Dean relaxed when he heard the bathroom door close and the shower come on. _Didn't have to tackle him, yet. Maybe he actually took no for an answer for a change._

"Hey, have you seen dad's journal?" Sam said coming back into the living room about an hour later.

"What?"

"Dad's journal. I could have sworn I left it in Hilly's office last night, but I just checked and I can't find the damn thing anywhere."

"I have been sitting here the whole time, so don't look at me," he smiled at his brother. "Hard work keeping this couch warm." _What are you researching Sammy? I thought I told you no. Should I be worried?_

Sam was still frowning. "I need it, I was looking up that thing…" He trailed off.

"The thing we discussed about you not doing or even thinking about?" Dean said frowning at him. _Ok, worried now._

"Yeah that thing," he sighed, "I was just sure I had the journal."

"Maybe you put it back in your…" He stopped and looked at Sam. "What time is it?" Alarm bells were beginning to ring in his head. _Oh no, she wouldn't…she couldn't…_

"A little after noon, why?"

"Where's Hilly?" _I have a bad feeling._

"Didn't you say she went in to work? Maybe she got tied up there, or at the store. What is it, Dean?"

_Hilly, if you try something I will hunt you down, I will…_. Dean picked up the phone at the end of the couch and called the newspaper where Hilly worked. After speaking with them for a minute he hung up. "Not there, they said she took a couple of days off." He looked at his brother. "Sam?" _I'm overreacting, I have to be._

"What?"

"What did you tell her about that thing?"

"The thing I'm not allowed to do or even think about?" he said with a smile. "Not all that much, just about needing a cave and stuff. She was upset last night, talking about you finding me," Sam sighed. "What?"

"I need to know about it, Sam." _What did she say this morning? About only two people she would…? What did she say last night? About not letting…No, no, no. Hilly you idiot—if you… _

"What?"

"The sacrifice, the ritual" he felt panic rising in his chest. He was pretty sure he knew where she was now.

"You need a cave, and then there are a few other items you have to take for the summoning and…why?" Sam looked at him. "Oh my god, Dean you don't think…"

"Yes," he was up off the couch, had his shoes on and was out the door before Sam was even moving. "Come on, Sammy." _Cave, cave, where is the nearest cave? Oh, god I hope I'm wrong and if I'm not I hope we aren't too late._

_**To Be Continued **_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thank you Ine for catching that, I am mortified and have fixed it! _

**It's Probably Me**

Chapter Four

Dean raced down the driveway and jumped in the car. The engine was on before Sam got in. "Sam, come on!"

"Dean, I think you are overreacting," Sam said sliding into the car beside him.

"God, I hope so," he threw the car into gear and pulled onto the street. "How big a cave do you need?"

"Bigger than the one I picked."

"Goldroad, I bet she's gone to Goldroad," he said turning onto the highway.

"That's a long way, Dean, I checked yesterday."

"Yeah, well, she's been gone a long time."

"I do think that cave would work, though," Sam said looking at him.

"Ok," he pushed the pedal down on the car. _Too long, this is taking too long. _Nearly half an hour had passed when he screeched to a halt outside the cave. Hilly's car was parked outside. _No, no. _He and Hilly had explored it years ago, she was writing a story and he'd tagged along. He ran into the entrance, he heard Sam behind him, and he knew. He could smell burnt wood, he could smell burnt sage and fresh water. He could smell the coppery smell of blood.

Sam had thought to grab a flashlight. He shone it around the cave, Dean caught sight of something across from them, beside a smoldering fire. "Oh, no." He ran to her and turned her over gently. "Hilly?" He put a hand against her neck and after too long felt a tiny beat. "Hilly?"

Her eyes fluttered open, she tried to smile at him. Her face looked like it had been clawed open, one eye was…_Oh, god. _Her neck looked like it had been slashed and there was blood on her chest. She was still bleeding. "Sorry Dean," she whispered. "Sam was right, your dad was wrong. It just wants the sacrifice. It laughed at me," tears were running out of her eye over her ruined cheek. "I'm so sorry."

"Hilly, you damn fool," he pulled her up against him. She moaned in pain. "You damn fool."

"Sorry…couldn't…" She was relaxing in his arms.

"No, you don't get to die, Hilly, you hear me?" He picked her up, struggled to his feet and headed out of the cave towards the car. Sam already had it running when he got there. Dean wasn't sure he wanted to know how fast Sam was driving, one handed, down the road. Sam's other hand was resting on Dean's arm. Dean was holding a towel against Hilly, trying to stem the flow of blood. He was talking to her the whole way.

When they got to the hospital Sam opened his door and helped him out. They carried her in and put her in the bed the nurse showed them and then stood together in the waiting room. Dean felt Sam's hand on his back. He leaned against his brother. "Damn fool."

"Dean?"

"She doesn't get to die, Sam. Not like this." Dean had tears in his eyes. _She'd laugh at me if she saw I was out here crying. Not really._

"Dean, you need to know…"

"No, Sam. No." He looked at his brother.

A doctor in a blood-splattered coat found them an hour later. "Mr. Iommi?"

"Yes?" Dean said looking up.

"We've sent her to surgery. We have been trying to get the bleeding under control. She doesn't seem to be clotting correctly. If we can get the bleeding under control she should make it."

"What about the…?"

"We are going to repair, or at least try and repair, the damage in surgery. We're pretty sure we can save her eye. She was lucky, another half an inch…well, we couldn't have done much then."

"How long till we know?" Dean said softly. Sam was rubbing his back in slow circles.

"At least several hours for surgery and another in recovery. Maybe by 8 tonight?"

Dean watched the doctor walk away then turned to Sam. "How do we kill it?"

Sam smiled a little bit, his hunter's smile that reminded Dean of their father. "I have an idea or two."

It was dead less than two hours later. They had both sustained minor injuries, but nothing serious. Dean had watched it burn with satisfaction. _That won't save Hilly's life, or change what happened, but it does get a little something back._

They were back at the hospital by 7:30. Sam had driven Hilly's car, complaining before he got in about his height and its size. Dean had laughed at him. They were sitting in the surgery waiting room when they heard themselves paged. They spoke with the doctor in the surgery conference room, he was cautiously not quite pessimistic about Hilly's condition and told them they could sit with her as soon as she was moved to a room.

She was in room 512. Dean stood outside the door for several minutes before following his brother in. _It's supposed to me they're sitting with, not the other way around. What's wrong with her? What was she thinking? _He pushed the door open and stopped. Sam looked up at him with tears on his face. Dean looked at the small figure in the bed. She was mostly bandages as far as he could see. He took a step closer. Her head and neck were swathed in bandages, only one eye visible. Her face was puffy and bruised.

"Hilly, you god damn idiot," Dean said taking her hand. "Why didn't you just let this go? Why didn't she, Sam?" He looked up at his brother.

Sam smiled and shook his head. He sat down beside the bed and took her other hand. "Maybe she really is family Dean. We're all idiots that way."

"Maybe, Sam. But that's not very comforting." He leaned back in the chair.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't be mad at her for this," Sam said gently.

"Why not Sammy?" He turned on his brother _This is my fault, just like dad. Just like you. My fault Sammy. _"She did this, and how dare she?" He paused, the anger draining out of him. "This is my fault."

"It's not your fault, Dean," his brother said softly. He looked at Sam. "It's mine. I think she must have known…"

"What?"

Sam looked at him, "I think she figured…" Dean saw him stop and change what he was going to say. "I'm the one who told her about this."

"She was questioning me about making a deal on our first night, Sam. I think that damn brain of hers was already up to something."

"But Dean…"

"No, Sam. One thing about Hilly, when she gets an idea into her head—it's pretty much stuck there. I told you once she is utterly fearless sometimes and will just jump in with both feet, usually without thinking," he sighed. "She doesn't look at some things close enough before she acts."

"Dean? You're talking about something else, aren't you? Not just this?"

Dean looked at him, "Yeah, a little. Years ago, when we were hunting together, she did something nearly this stupid. She wasn't hurt badly that time, but she could have been."

"Dean? There's more." Sam paused and looked at him. "She told me once she spent a night in the hospital waiting—you'd been hurt."

"Yeah, and if she hadn't done what she did, as stupid and scary as it was…"

"She saved your life?"

Dean looked at Sam. "Something like that."

_They'd been hunting together for several weeks. Well not really hunting, Dean thought, mostly poking around living on the expense account the paper was providing, when they ran into something interesting. They were in Wisdom, Montana. Hilly thought that the ghost towns, like Bannock, would provide some "story worthy" backdrops for the series she was writing. _

_They'd gotten into town late and planned to go the next day to the various ghost towns and other sights in the area. Once they had found a motel they headed out to look for food._

"_Oh god, Dean, we have to eat there!" Hilly said grabbing his arm_

"_Where Hill?"_

"_That saloon, look at the doors! It actually has doors like a western!"_

"_Uh, I'm not sure about that," he said looking at it suspiciously._

"_It says it has buffalo burgers cooked to order."_

"_Burgers it is," he said smiling at her._

_The place looked like it had escaped from a Hollywood movie from the '30s. Saloon girls, bartender in a striped shirt and a piano player in the corner. The booths were red velvet and "just so fabulously tacky," according to Hilly that she claimed the food had to be great. The food did prove to be good and after dinner they were enjoying a drink when the waitress wandered over to their table._

"_Hi, I'm Mandy," she said smiling at them._

_Dean smiled back, Hilly kicked him under the table. "Dean," he said._

"_I heard you two were asking questions about ghost towns around here. Is that true?"_

"_Yeah, you know anything about them?" Dean said turning the volume up on his smile._

_She giggled. Hilly kicked him again. "I heard there was something up at Miner Lake. People disappear up there every once in awhile. The rangers say it's a grizzly but a friend of mind was up there fishing and he saw something weird. Something—he thought it was human, but it was animal, too. He's pretty sure it's a bigfoot or something. There are a lot of legends about spirits up there."_

_Dean smiled again, "Hey, that's great. How do we get there?" _

_She smiled at Dean. "I live out that way and I could show you the way in the morning."_

"_I'll pick you up tomorrow," Hilly said picking up her purse. "Where am I going?"_

"_I live in Jackson." She wrote her address down on a napkin._

"_Great, have a nice night." Hilly smiled at him and left them alone._

_Hilly arrived at Mandy's at an ungodly early hour as far as Dean was concerned and amused herself for nearly thirty minutes by alternately honking the Impala's horn and leaning on the doorbell. He finally gave up, dragged himself out of bed and headed out to the car._

"_Morning sunshine," she said smiling sweetly. "I'm not too early am I? I've been up for hours and hours."_

"_Bite me." Dean said and she laughed at him. He gave her the directions Mandy had given him and they drove into the national forest. The campground was empty except for the campground host. They drove further into the area, up past a cattle guard as far as they could go. Mandy had told Dean there were some Native American artifacts along the trail and that was where her friend had seen the thing, whatever it had been._

_They found the large _metate_ under a tree. It was huge, a boulder that had been used for so long it still bore the marks of the many things ground on its surface. Hilly headed further up the hill and Dean went across the service road towards the sound of running water. He'd given her a gun and he was well armed. Sasquatch? Wendigo? Something else? He wondered as he wandered down a game trail._

_It was there and it saw him long before he saw it. He thought it was there somewhere. He had the sense of being watched, the hair on the back of his neck was standing up. He heard something growl and smelled an animal smell, then felt something across his back. Something painful. He hit the ground hard and rolled over. His first thought was "What the hell is that?" and his second was:_

"_Hilly, run!" He shouted as the creature took another swipe at him. He managed to get out from under it and fire off a shot. It hit the creature high up on the shoulder. Dean had managed to enraged the beast. It screamed in an animal voice and put a giant foot down on Dean's torso._

_It was raising its hand for the killing blow when Hilly came tearing over the top of the trail screaming like a banshee."Dean!" _

"_Just run, get out of here!" He shouted and she came running down the hill, straight for the creature._

"_Hell no!" She ran down to where Dean was pinned and fired off several rounds from the gun he had given her. When she managed to miss all five shots, she started throwing rocks. Screaming at the creature the whole time. That finally got through to the thing and it turned on Hilly. She threw one more rock and ran. It set off in pursuit._

_Dean managed to get on his feet and head up the hill after the creature and its new prey. It had almost caught up with her when he got a clear shot. "Hilly, down!" He shouted hoping to get through to her. She heard and dove under the creature's legs as it reached her. Dean fired over and over into the thing and it fell, dropping on top of Hilly._

_He tried to get to her, and he almost made it. He wasn't in really good shape and shock had caught up with him. He fell face forward into the pine needles. He was trying to decide if trying to get up or passing out was the better choice, when he heard Hilly grunt and move out from under the creature._

"_Dean!" He heard her running towards him and knew when she dropped to her knees. A second later Hilly turned him over. He felt her put a hand against his neck, checking for a pulse and then heard her let out the breath she'd been holding. He opened his eyes and looked at her. There was blood on her face, blending with tears and making tracks through the dirt on her cheeks._

_She smiled in relief. "Jesus, Dean, you look like shit."_

"_Yeah, well I was just attacked by a giant, smelly creature, what's your excuse?" _

_She had started laughing and somehow managed to get him back to the car and down the road to the hospital in Wisdom._

"And before I bled to death," Dean said looking over her bed at Sam.

Sam was shaking his head. "She does seem to put herself in harm's way sometimes." He looked up at Dean. "I guess we should have known, if we told her, something would come up."

_You are talking about something else, Sammy. Aren't you?_ Dean sighed, "I kind of thought she'd just beat me up with a spatula or shoot me, not try something like this."

"You want some coffee or something? I know the baristas pretty well from when you were in here."

"Not yet, I think it would be better if we were both here when she wakes up."

"Why?"

"Cause one of us can hold her and the other hit her with a bat," Dean said, trying to smile.

"Yeah, that always works with her. No wait, that's what she does to us," he said smiling back.

They were watching the TV. Dean would occasionally flip through the channels and then stop back on the local sports station. Sam was sleeping in the chair. They both still had Hilly's hands in theirs.

"Hey," a voice barely audible from the bed.

"Hey yourself," Dean said softly. He saw Sam open his eyes and sit up.

"Will I live?"

Dean swallowed and looked away. "Doctor says you're going to live to be a pain in the ass for many years to come." He smiled at her. "You look like shit."

"I'm critical, what's your excuse?" She said trying to smile.

"You're critical," Dean said softly, no laughter in his voice.

"I'll be ok, Dean," She said coughing a little. She grimaced in pain. Sam put a hand on her shoulder, she looked at him with her one eye, then let it close.

"You better be," he said squeezing her hand. "You'd better be."

Dean was staring at the ceiling, counting tiles. _I wonder how many hospital tiles I've counted in my lifetime? _The hospital staff came and went. No one came to tell them visiting hours were over. Dean signed the paperwork they brought him. Sam would pace back and forth in the room then pace up and down the hallway. The hours were passing and Hilly hadn't woken up again. Dean was starting to worry, he knew Sam was worried. Sam eventually went for coffee and a chance to stretch his legs a little more. When Sam came back he brought a coffee for Dean.

"Barista remembered me. Gave me her number," Sam said with a smile. "Any change?"

"No."

"Dean, you're not blaming yourself are you?" Sam said, Dean could hear in his tone that he knew that was exactly what his brother was doing.

"No, of course not. Why would I be to blame?"

"She asked me earlier how I could be mad at you for making the deal to save my life when she knew that I would do the same for you," Sam said quietly, Dean looked up at him. "And it's true Dean. I would, without a second thought, give anything to save you."

"But Sam..."

"Hilly feels the same way, I guess."

Dean opened his mouth to protest, to tell Sam that was unacceptable. His brother was looking at him, that steady look he got these days when they discussed this sort of thing. _He's telling me I have to let people care for me, protect me, want to help me. It's hard, especially when it's like this. _"Well, you're both idiots," he said softly.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Speak for yourself," the quiet voice from the bed.

"Hilly?" Dean stood up.

"You expecting someone else under these bandages?" She almost managed a smile. "You're still here?"

"They have pretty good cable. Caught Spinal Tap again. Thought I'd leave when it was over," he said putting his other hand over hers.

"When's it over?" She asked softly.

"As soon as you're ready to leave," he said and heard the catch in his voice.

"This isn't going to turn into a huge weepy chick flick is it?" She said, and he could hear a smile in her voice.

"Nope, never," he said squeezing her hand. He smiled, "We're just going to hang out here for awhile."

"Hot nurses?"

"Oh, yeah, the night nurse, yep. Hot."

"She want you?"

"Hell, yeah. You need to rest, Hilly."

"Are you sure I'm going to live? You look a little freaked out." She did let her eye close.

"I just haven't seen you without make up in awhile. It's kind of scary."

"Bite me," it came out as a sigh.

"Not till you're out of here."

Sam suggested that they trade off sitting in the hospital. He said that he and Hilly had done that when Dean had been in before. Even though Dean knew it was a good idea he was reluctant to leave. It was hard to walk out of the room, hard to come back wondering if she were still ok. She was getting steadily stronger. After five days the doctor was more than cautiously optimistic about her chances for recovery.

Dean walked back into the room about half an hour before they were scheduled to take the bandages off her eye and see how bad the damage was. She had been in and out a lot of the time. They had kept her pretty heavily medicated for the first few days. She was a little more with it since that morning and she looked over and smiled when he went in. Sam was sitting beside the bed, book in hand. _He's been reading to her again. God, is that Jane Austen?_

"What the hell are you reading?" He said sitting down beside the bed.

"Persuasion, my favorite," Hilly said.

"You and your romances," Dean said, he took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. For the first time he actually felt her squeeze back. She hadn't been strong enough before. He grinned at her, "Hey."

"I've been practicing. Here for the big unveiling?"

"What?"

"My eye. See if it comes out on the bandages or stays in my head?"

"For someone who likes Jane Austen, you are kind of strange," Sam said with a laugh.

"It helps," she tried to shrug, and it must have pulled something. She hissed with pain. "Not doing that again."

The doctor came in and unwound the bandages. Dean watched in horror as the damage to her face became more and more apparent. _Oh, my god, Hilly. _The doctor carefully removed the last of the bandages and then pulled the pad off her eye.

"Did it come out?" She asked the room at large. The doctor looked at her like she was crazy.

"Eyelid's still there, I guess that's a good sign," Dean said.

"Yep."

"Try and open the eye, it might feel a little strange, we had to do a little work on it," the doctor said.

She slowly opened the eye, blinked and closed it again. She did the same thing once more, then turned to where Dean was sitting. "I'll be damned. It works," she said with a smile. Dean smiled back. _I wonder if she can see well enough to notice that I am…_"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Those aren't tears are they?"

"Nope. Your sight must be blurry or something."

She looked over at Sam. "Hey, Sam." Dean could see Sam's shock when she turned her face to him. Sam blinked back tears. "My vision must be really blurry," she said softly.

"Not really," Sam said smiling at her.

"Good, I was worried for a minute," she smiled at the doctor. "It works, it is a little fuzzy, though. Will that clear up?"

"It might," he said, gently touching the healing wounds on her face. "Looks like the infection is gone. You should be able to go home in a couple of days if you have someone to look after you for another week or so."

"She does," Sam and Dean said together.

They let her go three days later. She was getting pretty vocal about wanting to go home. The doctor finally agreed that they could take care of her as well there as at the hospital. They wheeled her out to the Impala, Sam opened the car door and they helped her in. She wasn't really steady, but she sank down in the seat with a sigh.

"Nice to be out of there," she said from the back seat.

"I agree. I was getting ready to abandon you there," Dean said with a little laugh.

"Bite me, Dean."

"Not now, I'm driving."

When they arrived at her house, Dean helped her back to the bedroom—making sure she was settled in before he went into the kitchen to find his brother. He pulled a beer out of the fridge and wandered into the backyard and sat down beside Sam.

"You ok, Dean?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not," Sam said looking at him. "Every time I look at her face…"

"I know," he said softly.

"I think the three of us should talk about it."

"Cause those conversations go so well," Dean said with a snort.

"Well, we need to talk about it sometime, Dean."

"Probably won't have any choice, she'll be strong enough to get a bat anytime now," he laughed. "You want to make dinner? I'm going to check on her."

He walked back into the bedroom. She was lying on the bed, her eyes were closed. He thought she must be asleep. _Her face, it's completely destroyed. My fault. It's my fault. _He sighed and turned to go.

"It's not your fault, Dean," she said, opening her eyes. The one took a second longer than the other.

"What?"

"You heard me," she sat up. He stepped forward and put a hand to support her until he got the pillows behind her. "Thanks."

"Sure."

"Sit down, Dean," she patted the bed.

"I need to help Sam with dinner," he said. _Not ready for this._

"Sam can handle it, I'm pretty sure," she said. He was still standing. "Dean, if you don't sit down…"

"What?"

"I don't know. I'll try and stand up and then fall over and that would be your fault. So there."

He sank down on the bed, "Hilly…"

"Don't Hilly me, Dean. We need to talk about this. I've seen that look on your face and I know what it means."

"What look?"

"Dean look number seven."

"Number seven?" He said laughing in spite of himself.

"Yeah. And I won't have it, Dean," she took his hand in hers.

"You won't?" He looked away. "It is my fault. And whatever Sam is cooking up in his freaky brain will be my fault. You both…"

"Do we need to have that discussion again?"

"What discussion again?"

"The Dean discussion number eighteen."

"Number…"

"Yeah, the you are loved and you are just going to have to get used to it discussion."

"Hill…"

"Dean, what I did was monumentally stupid, I'll agree with you there. I should have thought it through a tiny bit more, but, I was pretty sure Sam was going to try it again, no matter what he said. No matter what you did."

"What?"

"There was something in his eyes. The same look I've seen in yours before you do something utterly suicidal."

"No, Sam said…"

"And Sam wouldn't lie to you to protect you? When we first got back, that night after we found him, I thought he had decided to let it go. But he said something, and then cut himself off. I could sense something in him—I just knew he was going to try it again and soon. I just…"

"Just decided to jump in, summon the damn thing and screw the consequences?" Dean said angrily.

"Something like that. I don't think I could have born it, Dean."

"What?" He was still angry.

"That look."

"Number seven?"

"No, Dean," and she started crying. "The one on your face when you said Sam had died in your arms. The one when we found him and you couldn't even move. If Sam had tried again and he had been seriously hurt or worse…No Dean. No. Not my family, not if I could help."

"You don't even know…He said he wouldn't. I don't think that was what he was thinking. He wouldn't just do that again. He wouldn't."

"Yeah, I would," Sam said quietly from the door. "I was planning on it."

"What?" He looked at his brother. _What? What the hell, Sam?_

"Sorry, Dean," he came in and walked around to the other side of the bed. "If dad had been right it would have been a blood sacrifice, but I would have survived and you would have been out of the deal."

"Sam?" Dean said. _No, no, no. I won't have that. I can't let you do that. _"No, I told you no. I told both of you no."

"Yeah, and we didn't listen," Hilly said. "You would happily die for those you love Dean." He opened his mouth to protest. "I think we've established that, so don't even start with me. How can you expect less from us?"

He was looking at them, both looking back at him, both with tears in their eyes. "Uh…"

"She's right," Sam said.

"You are going to have to get used to it," Hilly said.

"But Sam, Hilly…"

"What, Dean?" Hilly looked at him. "Or do you want to make this," she gestured at her ruined face, "meaningless?"

"Hilly," Sam said softly. "It's not meaningless."

"It is if he won't accept it for what it is," she said to Sam.

"What's that?" Dean said. "A reminder of…" he couldn't go on. _A reminder of someone I love getting hurt? A reminder of what Sam might do? A reminder of my own failure?_

"A reminder, Dean, of how much you mean to us, what we are willing to do for you, how much we love you."

"Yeah," Sam said softly.

"But…I can't let you do that, I can't let you…" Dean said.

"Ok, that's it, I give up," Hilly said with a sigh. "Sam?"

"What?" He said with a frown.

"You grab him, I'm getting my baseball bat." She smiled at them and started laughing. "Ow, that hurts," and kept laughing. It was infectious, first Sam then Dean started to laugh. Hilly kept saying "ow" and that just set them all off again. It ran its course eventually and Sam headed back out to get dinner. Dean was sitting against the headboard, his arm around Hilly.

"I'm right and you know it," she said.

"About what?"

"If you just agree I am right about everything it will save time."

"Ok, you're right about everything," he said with a smile.

"That makes it easier."

"Yeah, I guess it does."

Sam came back with the food and they shared it together on the bed. Dean turned the TV on and they settled down to watch. Hilly fell asleep, her head on Dean's shoulder, her hand in Sam's. Dean looked down into her face and up at Sam. His brother was watching him.

"She is right, Dean."

"Yeah, I know, but don't tell her that," he said smiling at him.

"I heard that," sleepy from his shoulder.

"No you didn't, it was a dream."

"Bite me, Dean."

"Later," he said with a laugh.

"Yeah," she said softly, shifting a little under his arm and squeezing Sam's hand. "Later."

Sam smiled at Dean. "And there will be a later, Dean, a much later, for all of us."

He smiled and looked at down at Hilly and up into his brother's eyes. _I can't let them try something that stupid again, but it's kind of nice to know they will. Maybe there will be a later for me, just maybe there will be a later. _"Yeah, Sam, I think there will be, for all of us."

_**The End**_


End file.
